Today is the first anniversary of my head on collision with anxiety and depression. What is the appropriate item for a 1st anniversary? Paper? Tin? Copper? A friend suggested “Nut Shell” and someone else suggested “Tin Foil Hat”. Those both sound pretty good.

It has been a trying year, and yet one of growth and movement.

I learned that I am “Sick, not Weak” from Michael Landsberg. The host of the TSN show OTR has battled depression for many years. He uses the hashtag #sicknotweak in his twitter feed along with providing support and encouragement to those who have mental health issues. I also view the Bell Let’s Talk day from an entirely different perspective. Coming to grips with my own mental health issues has been, and continues to be, a journey towards getting better. Another encouraging Twitter resource is the hashtag #iamnotashamed. It seems mental health issues come with a stigma and label that something is irreversibly wrong with the person who has those issues. They are categorized as somehow different than a physical ailment that can be treated with medication or surgery.

Well, I have depression and anxiety issues. I am not my diagnosis. I am not suffering from these illnesses, I live each day with them at my side and in my head.

One year ago my wife said adamantly that something needed to change. I agree, and I think I have changed. I’m back to work full-time. I am coaching. I teach Sunday School and I’m trying to be a better husband and friend. All the while I am learning to not listen as much to my inner critic and to work through my issues instead of be crippled by them. I’m changed.

While I’m learning to come to terms with my mental health issues, my physical body is beginning to give me problems.

I’ve had back issues for years, but around Thanksgiving I began to experience excruciating pain in my sides and back on both sides. By the end of November I spent two weeks in and out of hospital having 2 procedures to deal with kidney stones. Over the Christmas Break I had another procedure, which proved to be unsuccessful, and I have another surgery planned for February 12. So, in addition to living with  my inner critic, I have near unrelenting pain in my back.

Before one year ago I would have been crippled in more ways than one by either of these conditions. Now? I think something has changed enough in me that I can face these, and other situations, with logic and move through them without them affecting me as negatively as before.

That, I think, is a positive thing.