Well, another school year has come and gone. This year was my second as a teacher in the science department at Carlton High School. I taught Science 10 and Computer Science 20/30. There were many highs and lows to my year.

One high point for me was attending the BringITogether conference in Niagara Falls along with Ian Hecht. It was a nice trip, excellent conference and a good nerd bonding time with Ian. Also, I began teaching computer science in the fall at Carlton. The old Saskatchewan curriculum is 20 years old and together with my Principal, we decided to revamp how we could teach students about programming, digital citizenship and the skills and knowledge necessary in a technological world. I began using the Exploring Computer Science materials and then changed to a more project based learning model pretty early on in the semester. At times it was pretty chaotic, but I think there was some real learning and thinking going on in that computer lab. I talked to each student individually about what their learning looked like from the projects they were doing and how what they were doing had grown what they knew and could do. 

The low point of my school year came on February 2. We had just finished a hectic first semester, report cards were out and I had moved room to my new home in the “Bowling Alley”. February 2 was the beginning of the 2nd semester and I was feeling pretty good about my upcoming classes and teaching load. I woke up on Monday morning and I couldn’t face the day. I was throwing up, sweating and was totally fearful about how things were going to go, at least in my mind. My wife Maggie said something I’ll never forget, “something needs to change”.  

She was right. Something did need to change. I needed to change.  

I called my Principal and told her what I was facing. I called my doctor and scheduled an appointment for the next day. I gave up control of my teaching career and life to others who took over and didn’t miss a beat. For the month of February and March I was off full time. I slowly began to work my way back to the place where I could get up in the morning, go through a routine and face going to the store or being in a crowd or just not being overwhelmed by all the things I needed to do in a day. This had been coming for a long time. I had missed random days for a few years, staying home when my back was out, or I had thrown up long enough to justify not going in. All of that had been pushed down inside and then came popping up to the surface that February morning. 

I learned slowly by talking to a counsellor, taking it easy on myself and with good medication to come back to close to the person I was before. Some of my colleagues didn’t understand why I was where I was. I pray that they are never in the position to have to understand. Some understood all to well. After the Easter break I came back ½ time in the mornings and by the end of the year I was back to full time.  

What did I learn? 

I learned about the concept of the bus. During any given day you face a variety of situations. How you react to those situations is a combination of the different circumstances and experiences from your life. Your intellect, emotions, fears and hurts are all present in you and vie for control of your attention at any given time. So, your mind and body is a unit that works together. Let’s call this your bus and the various people that make up your psyche the potential drivers. Sometimes when you are sad or angry or upset we let someone drive the bus who probably isn’t qualified or appropriate to be performing that task. For me, when I am anxious or uptight about a situation I need to have a rational conversation with the current bus driver who is panicking that everything is going to go wrong. Then, I need to put someone in the driver’s seat who is capable and competent.  

I learned that I am a good teacher who makes meaningful connections with my students. Part of my anxiety about teaching is that I am ineffective and that someone is going to realize this and fire me for incompetence. This a fear, not a reality. It’s difficult for me to say this, but I honestly believe that I’m good at my job. 

Part of this year has been learning to be comfortable with myself and knowing when I’m okay or not okay in any given situation. That takes patience and time. I also learned that it takes a lot of courage to stop moving and learn to work with yourself instead of just plowing ahead and being oblivious to what your body and mind is telling you.  

In many ways this has been one of the most difficult years in teaching, and the most rewarding. It’s good it is over, but I’m looking forward to next year’s challenges.